We’ve now done, officially, every holiday thing possible. We’ve seen all the lights there are to see. We’ve baked all the cookies there are to bake. We’ve listened to every song there ever was. We’ve wrapped, unwrapped and put together every toy there ever was- on the planet. We’ve seen every holiday special ever created- twice. It was beautiful, chaotic, magical and uniquely ours.
As always, your Mama had moments where she soared, and where she crashed. I questioned why I was so damn hungry all the time but then realized, I am not physically hungry, I am probably spiritually hungry. Or pissed off. So I’d throw back another handful of m and m’s, break up another pint-sized brawl, answer another question about “Kate, how do you use this remote? Kate, where are your mixing bowls? Kate, did you put on another pot of coffee?”– promptly forgave myself for the overeating and soldiered on.
Holidays are hard for grownups sometimes and it’s ok. There are people missing, there are rough, raw memories, there are expectations not met, there are things we say or do that we don’t want to think ourselves capable of or that we wish we hadn’t. But mostly, you just have to be thankful to have what you do, the people you do– however mismatched, broken or bruised, they’re your people and they’re sharing this festive moment with you so you have to share it back.
So my babies- my deep down wish is that this Christmas helped cement some of what we will always be, and allowed us to give up some of what we, maybe, wanted to change. It’s a work in progress this life relationship of ours– thanks for being in it with us (not that you have a choice. you’re sort of captive for like 15 more years. muah ah ah.). Merry Christmas and happy almost new year!