A moment.

Tonight my sweet wonderful Big One you and I had a moment. And it probably won’t be seared into your memory the way it now is in mine, but I DO think it will be one piece of the giant puzzle of you becoming you. You were upset about something you did at school today. Ok fine so you peed on the grass on the playground and the teacher wasn’t super pleased. Full disclosure: this is not totally your fault as I may or may not have ever made the distinction for you as to where that is and is not ok… and frankly I am totally cool with you dropping trou where it makes sense and means you won’t pee your pants. You’re a boy, you are equipped for such occasions. Also, it’s cultural; totally fine in South America. But try explaining THAT to a PreK teacher. So.

It was the first time I was able to tell you that perfection is NOT my expectation. I told you that you made a choice and next time you should probably make a different one and that it’s ALL GOOD. This is no big deal for you, but it’s a big deal for me because I never, ever remember being told this as a child. I remember feeling nervous about spills, low grades, messing up at violin/ballet, not being athletic enough, hating my hips and a whole long list of things that I was very sure were just innately wrong with me. As a parent, if I do NOTHING else, I will make you KNOW in every fiber of your being that you are wonderfully flawed and it’s a beautiful thing. And that perfection is actually not ok. I want you to mess up and learn and grow; perfect is boring and uptight. You are a boy of the world with an interesting story. Messy is good my love.

After we had this talk I looked at you. Like really actually looked at you and saw the boy you are becoming. I am so incredibly proud of you and hope that you still let me snuggle you while you fall asleep for at least a few more years. Watching your wriggly boy body relax, let go of the day and give over to deep, meditative sleep is one of my most cherished things.

xo Mom

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